Things you don't say
Over the past 22 months, we've received support from family and friends. Not everyone agrees with our desire to adopt and I've learned to accept the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it's not going to minimize or dilute the strong feelings that I have about adoption and erasing the prejudice that still exists today.
When we started this process I was very unaware of the prejudices that people have against other race or nationalities and I've began to be more aware and find myself being offended whenever I hear someone make comments or jokes. The last couple of years has really changed our lives and we are so thankful to the Lord for all we have learned. OK, to get off my soapbox and back to the reason for this post......
Here's some of the things that people sometimes say when they think they are being helpful that are actually hurtful:
1. It's just so sad that there's people like you who want a baby so bad and there's all these girls out there having babies all the time and don't care anything about them"
Why do people always go there? Do they really think they are helping?
2. "Why do you want to adopt from China? Is it cheaper?"
Come on, how insensitive can you be? Our faith is the reason for adopting from China, those who do not have a strong faith will not understand but we truly believe God chose China, not us.
3. "I'll give you one of mine. You'll just bring him/her back"
As if joking about it will make me feel better.
I'm praying parents that make these comments realize what a blessing they have.
4. "Aren't you afraid there will be something wrong with the baby?"
Is there some kind of guarantee when you have biological kids they will be 100% healthy?
5. "Have you heard anything about the baby?"
WHAT BABY? There is no baby. I know I can't say that, but I'd like to.
I know people are only concerned and wanting to know how it's going but it drives me crazy when they phrase it like that.
I think I need some chocolate! I'm going to be 500lbs before this is over.
Have a great weekend.
When we started this process I was very unaware of the prejudices that people have against other race or nationalities and I've began to be more aware and find myself being offended whenever I hear someone make comments or jokes. The last couple of years has really changed our lives and we are so thankful to the Lord for all we have learned. OK, to get off my soapbox and back to the reason for this post......
Here's some of the things that people sometimes say when they think they are being helpful that are actually hurtful:
1. It's just so sad that there's people like you who want a baby so bad and there's all these girls out there having babies all the time and don't care anything about them"
Why do people always go there? Do they really think they are helping?
2. "Why do you want to adopt from China? Is it cheaper?"
Come on, how insensitive can you be? Our faith is the reason for adopting from China, those who do not have a strong faith will not understand but we truly believe God chose China, not us.
3. "I'll give you one of mine. You'll just bring him/her back"
As if joking about it will make me feel better.
I'm praying parents that make these comments realize what a blessing they have.
4. "Aren't you afraid there will be something wrong with the baby?"
Is there some kind of guarantee when you have biological kids they will be 100% healthy?
5. "Have you heard anything about the baby?"
WHAT BABY? There is no baby. I know I can't say that, but I'd like to.
I know people are only concerned and wanting to know how it's going but it drives me crazy when they phrase it like that.
I think I need some chocolate! I'm going to be 500lbs before this is over.
Have a great weekend.
posted by Tina @ 3:40 PM
9 Comments:
At 4:41 PM,
Russ and Lisa W. said…
Oh Tina!!
I have got to say....
Way to go Girl!
I get those same guestions too.
It is so hard for some people to understand when they don't have to worry about having children.
Did we bring it on ourself to not be able to have our own Children?? WHY NO!
It was meant for you and me to go to China and bring home our BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN!
We don't know when,
We don't know how old they will be.
We don't know what they will look like.
But one thing We do know...
WE LOVE THEM ALREADY!
THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN!
NOTHING and NO ONE will stand in our way to bring them home and fill our hearts with there smell, warm huggs, sweet kisses, and beautiful smiles!
Love ya Honey!
Lisa
At 7:41 PM,
Denna said…
Oh, Tina, (((BIG HUGS)))) I have been there and people just don't think. I even had one person ask me what would I do if the referral was a ugly baby. That was so dumb. A child that a person has naturally could be born ugly, but we don't not love them. Sometimes I think people just really don't think. I have been in your shoes, and I understand your frustration, and hurt. I am here if you need to talk. I think you have my email, but if not you can get to it through my profile. Hang in there. It will not be long until you have your precious bundle of joy in your arms.
At 1:09 PM,
The Princess's Mommy said…
I'm so sorry things are so difficult. Here's a BIG HUG from Lily Mei and me!
Love,
Monica
At 8:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
What an awesome post...you just get up on that soapbox anytime you want to.
We got those same questions; most people just don't have a clue. They didn't understandy why we felt led to go to China either. Most people would say there are so many children in the USA that need to be adopted why would you go to China? Well, considering that adoptive parents in this country have NO RIGHTS! ! ! that would be the reason that we didn't choose to adopt domestically.
The Lord is leading you in the right direction and in his timing (I know you hate to hear that, because I know that I sure did; but it's true) your precious child will be brought into your lives and your world will never be the same.
It is amazing that at this point you have so much love in your heart for a child that you haven't even seen a picture of and when you see that picture for the first time you feel your heart grow and amazingly the first time your child is placed in your arms your hear feels like it will burst it is so filled with love for this precious little one.
We love you guys and you are always in our prayers and on our minds.
We look forward to seeing you soon.
Jeff, Becky & Noah
At 9:07 PM,
Anonymous said…
http://www.babyhomepages.net/liamei/
Tina,
Check out this blog and the first posting is a poem that you will appreciate.
Love & Hugs
Becky
At 9:36 PM,
Sharon said…
Yeah Tina! You let it all out! I am so glad because we all need to be honest sometimes and let people see who we really are. Especially when who we are is different from the last time they checked.
Still, I can't believe you have heard some of those things. I suppose I have it better in CA or some of the worst things came from kids who I can forgive easier, or family members who are already under the 'more grace required' umbrella.lol
Also it helps me to remembe the times when i myself was the one who said the wrong thing and right when I was trying really hard to think of... what is the right thing!
I also have high hopes of things working out once she is here. It's like a name, i 'm hoping. Everyone has an opinion unitl its a done deal.
Take care of yourself!!! and talk soon, s
At 5:40 PM,
Kim :) said…
Just want you to know I "feel your pain"!! You and I must be talking to the same people... hang in there!!
At 11:42 PM,
Sharon said…
Just came back over to wish you a very Happy Easter!!!!
At 10:49 PM,
Just Wedeminute said…
I have been getting those same questions, comments for the past8 years....it's about time someone spoke up and said something...I am going to link your post if that's ok with you!
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